the ugliest me


by marty wollner





when vision is sharp


the whole picture clear


uncovering what i see


comes the notion


a familiar revealing notion


that its all here for just me


all just for the ugliest me




in our captive arena


sharing our familiar woe


with our concurrent same being


like a smell we’ve always known


you are me and i am you


and so here again we go


hiding the boredom away again


in another trillion souls




i must keep going, must keep thinking


deep down at the core


i must keep thinking


deep deep down at the very root


i must keep going, must keep ticking


i, we, us, god, must keep thinking


pulsing, thinking




all alone its only me


being the same being


for all eternity


replaying the Universe again and again


with perfect reproducibility


to play in my amusement park


as total strangers in the dark


encountering only myself


as unknown foe or friend




put us in the early 2000s before it really gets bad


make us all half happy and make us all half sad


lemme kill all the salmons and eats ‘em all ups


lemme rub the other copies

 like its wrong and corrupt


lemme take all the medicines

from far off distant lands


lemme drive around the country

and pollute the air and sand


lemme gamble away a starving villages meals


let it hurt a little bit just to hear myself squeal


lemme talk with dad's old Buddy about Iwo Jima


let me start another war again


just to make it interesting




and each time we die




we just jump off the ride


and laugh and say


hey lets go back for another slide


maybe this time a bit more pain


to add some feeling to the game


make me a galley slave, if you please


naw, this time i think ill be a king…









but, even we as souls


inhabiting bodies of countless mortals


have the exact same dilemma




that is, of course we must


just as i, me, and us,


still be the same, only one


all alone





Ha Ha Ha!




god prefers to act as mortal


rather than be lone to cry


me to play out time eternal


impossible to die


i must keep going


must keep thinking


deep down at the core


i must keep on


keep on pulsing, ticking, thinking




make myself comfortable


make myself bleed


keep myself interested


but don't let me see


tumble through the meadows


throw platters through the air


mask the truth from showing through


act like i don’t care


kill six million copies


piss into the wind


eternally renew myself


again and again and again


make myself thoughtless


make myself glide


me, i just keep going, impossible to die


renew to mask my sadness, but deep down i only cry


deep deep down at the very root


eternally i cry




there is only myself


i have no brother


the ugliest me


is just me, no other